Inflatable Penises Are The Craziest Bachelorette Party Accessory
• Six feet long when inflated
• Perfect for bachelorette parties
• Throw around the crowd at football games
• Guaranteed to make ‘em laugh*
Do you need a vinyl blow-up toy that looks like an enormous penis? Sure you do. You’ve been deprived for too long, so why go one more day? And now that you’ve decided, choose the one most worthy of your hard-earned inflatable penis dollar: Captain Pecker.
Here’s a good test of your imagination: How many ways can you use a large inflatable penis? The Captain Pecker box features a half dozen:
“Escort him to your next party
He’s perfect for a grin
When Captain Pecker’s in the house
Party antics will begin.
“You can take him for a walk
You can take him to the beach
Just lie around and snuggle
Or punch him in the teeth.”
Here’s a few more. Use Captain Pecker:
• In the passenger seat of your car, entitling you to drive in the carpool lane
• As your wingman at the bar
• As a companion at a PriveCo job interview
• To distract reporters at a press conference
• As an award for “biggest dickhead” in your club or organization
In fact, there isn’t anywhere that Captain Pecker isn’t totally inappropriate and completely hilarious. Just blow him up and take him where he wants to go.
However, some of the claims on the Captain Pecker box don’t make sense. For example, the Captain is called a “punching pecker” that “always gets back up.” It also shows a drawing of a guy surfing on one.
Please realize that this is not a bop-em toy with a heavy bottom. It doesn’t even stand up on its own. And if you use it to catch a big wave, you will drown. This doesn’t detract from Captain Pecker’s real strengths: large size, “realistic” looks, and a weight light enough to throw around like a beach ball. Isn’t that more than enough?
*Laughs probable but not guaranteed. Who really knows what “em” will do?
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